I don't know what to feel right now. Inadequacy seems to come to mind, but that's not quite right, but the only thing I can come up with right now. I'm sure that anybody who has me as a friend here on LJ is probably shocked to see me writing anything. I've become somewhat of a recluse from this thing for quite some time. I'm just awake right now, at 2 in the morning, with nothing much to say... Except that I don't know what to do... I've done everything [not necessarily everything that I could do, but everything that I am able to do, given my nature], yet it seems to be not enough. I can't help what other's may say... I can only interpret what they might mean... not for my own sake though... for I could care less of such things. What makes us who we are?... Is it how we compare to the views that others hold of our peers?... Or is it the views that others hold of us?... Or is it the views that we hold of ourselves?... I am inclined to hold the latter stance, though I can empathize with those who take the middle stance. I feel it arrogant to say that I only care about what I think of myself, as it seems to me to be something that someone would say to try to raise himself or herself above the rest. I, in fact, do listen to what others say about me, and try to justify to myself ways to be better because of it. I find great trouble, however, in comparing myself to the views that others have of other individuals... It is impossible to compare one's own internal self-worth to the value of another being set forth by yet another being... This all makes sense in my head... perhaps because of my slightly drunken state, but it is my stance.